love and appreciation. - extended and edited.

I edited this and extended this because I first wrote this at 2am this morning and I saw a lot of grammatical errors and I was never finished with my train of thought :) But I'll let this sink in a bit.

I want that cute, young, and old love. Last night before I slept I remember thinking about love and the three different forms I see it in. My parents, or rather my mom and step dad, really show love and appreciation towards one another. It's such a strong bond that it amazes me and excites me at the same time. I really love how my family is; meaning, I kinda love that I have divorced parents. Even though my mom and dad didn't find their other half's in one another (thank goodness they popped me out in time) I still love and appreciate how I grew up with this "issue." I mean it does have minor difficulties, like sharing me, but I wouldn't change it.

Alice notices the love that my mom and step dad share. Back in the day she saw it too and said today "it's cute how your parents are still very attached." My step dad literally worships the ground my mom walks on. Today me and Alice were leaving my house to go out and so we had the front door wide open. My mom just barely came home and while I was putting my shoes on I noticed my step dad staring at my mom. He then said, "wow, look at her she still looks young and beautiful like when I met her." Out of the blue, he just said it. She wasn't even near for her to hear what he said; yet, he said it.

Me and Alice joke around a lot with my mom and step dad when they get all snugly and lovey-dovey. So like any other day, me and Alice were like "aw, ew." And my step dad said, "well wait till you get a man who loves you unconditionally." And I rebutted by saying, "I do have a man." I didn't really expect an answer from my step dad but, "yeah, you're right, I like Gun. I think he's a very great guy." And again, jokingly, I said "yeah, maybe I'll just keep him." But then he said, "yeah you should. I 110% approve of Gun, I really like him." And of course that makes me extremely happy and I was doing my happy dance inside my head.

I remember my parents didn't like Gun at all even before we started going out. I'm sure everyone remembers that whole problem too. But it's such a transformation from three years ago. But three years ago today Gun was sitting at the kitchen table next to me staring at my step dad who sat in front of us. All he wanted was to have a "talk" with Gun. I mean that's all it was, but it was a pretty damn good talk. He talked about how to maintain a good relationship, what to do when one's mad, how to sacrifice together, how to communicate and lastly, he told us of his love for my mom. Specifically stating "I worship the ground Brittany's mom walks on, she is my Goddess." Really now, who doesn't want that? But that conversation with my step dad really helped me and Gun. We still go back to that conversation sometimes and who knew that me and Gun were actually going to be together this long? The way my step dad talked to us that day seemed like we were going to get married right then and there. It was kinda awkward because of that. But don't steer me wrong, I was already in love with Gun then too, I have been in love with him since the end of freshman year. But it was still so surreal because Gun kept pushing our relationship off. He didn't want to ruin our friendship and he didn't want a girlfriend during high school. Can you believe that? Because I was his girlfriend throughout high school and now I'm his high school sweetheart haha, ironic :)

I mention this a lot, but I really do love Gun and appreciate everything he does for me. I honestly couldn't ask for a better boyfriend than he is. Is there even a guy who can top Gun? Honestly, from all the extravagant things he's done for me like anniversaries or asking me to high school dances to little cute things like when he went to the store to buy me medicine and took me home (from a movie night with a club in high school) and carried me to my bed and sat outside in the living room waiting for my mom to come home. Gun has honestly done that for me and many more things. I don't think I can ever show him my full appreciation.

A few days ago we had a conversation about college. And that conversation expanded on him attending ASU and how we kept it a secret at first in high school. I was so proud and happy for him when he told me about his scholarship. But selfishly, I asked him if we could keep it on the dl for now. Being Gun, he accepted my wish. He told me a few days ago that he really did want to tell a lot of people he got into ASU on a scholarship. And this really made me sad and depressed that I wasn't doing my part by sacrificing and letting him tell people. And he knew I felt horrible but all he said was, "don't be sad, I agreed because I did it for you. I agreed because I knew it was what you wanted and I sacrificed that, for you. And I know why you asked me to do it." He knew that I wasn't sure if our love was strong enough to pull through this. And I was unsure. But I was the one who told him to tell Roc that he was a scholarship student; thus, getting that sign and award. And when people finally found out, they attacked me. Literally left and right people were telling me that me and Gun were never going to make it after this. And it crushed me, it really did. And Gun saw this. He was actually afraid that I was going to end it between us (YEAH RIGHT!) and he told someone (I won't say the name but this person is like a "i don't give a fuck about love" sleeps around, player guy) that if I did in fact break up with (Is Gun dumb for thinking I would or what?!) that, and I do quote, he "wouldn't date anyone after me and after he was done with his two years at ASU he'd comeback and snatch me back up from whatever fucker I was with." I'm a little pussy ass bitch so when the guy told me what Gun said it kinda made me misty? I mean honestly, why would Gun tell that to someone who dgaf about love and sleeps around with girls, you know what I mean? If I was a guy, I'd be like this dude is gonna make fun of me for being "pussy whipped." But of course I was never going to break up with him in the first place and now I'm 200% sure that our relationship can past this 2 year shit. I mean only one more year to go and it's pretty easy. I did though, get a lot of practice from Gun going to Thailand all the time.

I'm not saying that Gun and me will get married but I'm not saying we won't. You just never know these things when there's 4-6 more years for that to come up in a conversation. But look at Gun's parents. His mom lives here in the US and his dad lives in Thailand. They get to see each other only one month out of the year and even then, Gun's dad is too busy to really see. Gun told me that they met their last year of high school and continued to date but Guns dad ended up getting into, I think, the Claremont schools so he came to the US leaving Gun's mom in Thailand. But they did it. And that's why when Gun got accepted into ASU they told us we could do it too. And they also gave us their example of US vs. Thailand.

I kind of lost my train of thought after that long paragraph :( haha. I was going to go back to my mom and step dad but I forgot :( But really, Gun has sacrificed a lot for me and I just don't know how I can thank him. He has really transformed my life because before, I really didn't care to try in school. And until him, I felt like I finally had something to fight for. Someone to make proud of. Someone to do something for. Someone who, because of him, I wanted to change my life. And because of that, Gun will always hold the title of being the first greatest loves of my life- if not the only. I just wish I knew how to show my love and appreciation more. When you look at my step dad you can see it when he looks at my mom. You can see their love and you can see them growing old together. They have that type of love that still burns. And that's what I want. I want that type of love.

And now I leave you with the song Gun sang for me a few days ago:

I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around,
But she takes it all for me.
And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,
But she makes me want to believe.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.
She's all I need.

Well I had my ways, they were all in vain,
And she waited patiently.
It was all the same, all my pride and shame,
And she put me on my feet.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.

It's my myspace song btw!